ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!
Ray Elliott
The band is playing and the deck is filled with swirling couples. Champagne is flowing and the breeze hints of Spring on the distant shore. Needing a little cash, I move over to the ATM and put in my card. What a beautiful day, what a wonderful time, what a - - what is wrong with my card? Declined? Perhaps I entered the wrong pin. Try again. Declined. Is this a joke? I try again. Same result. I walk over to the bartender and mention that the ATM is not working. He assures me that he can handle the problem and asks for my card to increase my credit at the bar. Declined. He looks at me with an entirely new expression, something like seeing birdshit on my tie. I laugh and say that there must be some mistake and try to casually wander off. The band starts a new song.
We are too far offshore so my cell phone is not working. I go to the communications room and use the ship to shore phone to call my banker. Busy. I try my broker Smiley. Hey Smiley, whassup? "I tried to reach you Sam, but it's too late now". What's too late Smiley? "The market took out all your stops and the ones without stops have you owing us a considerable sum. I used your line of credit and your credit card, but apparently they're maxed out. We need as much as you can get to us immediately". I tell Smiley that I will call my bank and arrange a transfer. Smiley replies, "don't bother, your bank is closed, they are calling it a bank Holiday. There is a run on the banks and your bank was one of the first to close." I say, "Look Smiley, I have done a lot of business with you over the years, and I need a few bucks until I can get home and straighten out some things." Click. Smiley? Hello? Hello?
I think about all the plans that I have been considering. I was going to close up my 401K, pay the penalty, buy some silver and stop spending money. But my wife said, "honey, we have been planning this trip forever and what would the neighbors say if we cancelled this trip?" I wonder what the neighbors would say if they knew I couldn't buy a drink? I remember someone telling me that the economy was shaky and that it wouldn't take much of an earthquake to create a real crisis. I figured that I would have plenty of time to put something together and hunker down until the next boom. Why the hell didn't somebody warn me?
The ship's loudspeaker comes on, "Attention, attention, we have just been notified that our landing in New York has been cancelled due to food riots. The riots are breaking out in all major cities on the Eastern seaboard and we will be changing course for a safer port in Nova Scotia." Holy shit, Nova Scotia! How will we get home? I see my wife and she says, "Sam what are we going to do now? What are the neighbors going to say? I think, fuck the neighbors, what am I going to do now? I wondered if my social security check would still be coming in? Maybe not, if things are as bad as Smiley says. Or even if it does come in, what would food cost if there are food riots? Maybe there won't be any food to buy even if I had a shitload of money. A shitload of money is something I don't have to worry about.
I think about the food I was going to buy and put into the cellar. I thought that if I bought it now, it would just get old and I would have to replace it before I could use it. I know that Smiley has some stored away. I wonder if Smiley would share some with me and the wife? After all these years, Smiley should be grateful for the business that I have given him. Why should he care about giving a buddy a little food? Then I think, If people are rioting over food, it might be good to have a safe place to go and maybe buy a gun to protect me and the wife. I wonder where I could go for a safe place and then I think, hell, no one is going to be wanting strangers coming into their neighborhood when riots are taking place. I wish I had figured this out before I got on this damn boat.
I decided to rejoin the party and see what the people are saying about what is happening. It looks like the weather has changed and it is getting foggy out. I can hardly see ahead of the ship. Wait a minute, now I see something, looks like another ship out there, a big white one, seems to be sitting still in the water, Oh Shit!
7 April 2011
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