Soothed by Golden Voices in the Darkness of My Night
by "farfel"I almost lost my mind, I almost lost my life.
In early 2000, I told my wife that I would probably need to be institutionalized and re-educated in order to subscribe to the dicta of the New Paradigm. The Era of profitless prosperity seemed to defy gravity, the future of gold as a financial asset seemed doubtful, particularly since even fear of a Y2K bug had failed to lift the value of the metal.
I was so alienated, I felt so peripheral, so stupid, so inconsequential. I had stood in front of neighbors and friends, in a most visible and vocal manner,
warning of a stock market bubble that never stopped inflating while championing precious metals that never seemed to stop depreciating. I stood in front of 200 UCLA business school students and delivered an hour long lecture about precious metals and the markets which seemed entirely groundless only several months later.
I spoke of manipulated markets, both stocks and precious metals. I spoke
of conspiracy, cronyism, moral hazard, and price rigging at the highest levels of the Wall Street Establishment.
I was branded an oddball at best, a lunatic at worst. My detractors sneered and scoffingly called me a "gold cheerleader," a contrary indicator, a failure, and somebody who best disappear quietly into the night, like a fatally wounded dog who should know when it is best just to roll over and die.
I was snubbed, I was patronized, I was deemed to be unemployable, and told that my writings did not resonate with younger generations.
As a Jew, I was hated by other Hebrews fortunate enough to entrench themselves in the upper echelons of Wall Street circles... and I was despised equally by goldbugs who blamed their many years of misery upon my people.
I had placed far too many of my marbles in gold and I had lost all self-esteem.
I fought depression, I became sick, I lost my sex drive, my marriage suffered.
I was diagnosed with an incurable, inoperable brain tumor, I was diagnosed with cancer, I was so thoroughly defeated, I was ready to die, and just wanted to disappear.
It seemed like such a bad nightmare and yet it has been so very true.
How did it happen?
I once seemed to have it all.
Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror and question whether it was really me who lived these past several years of abject failure, misery, and depression. How did I ever fall into such a bottomless pit of despair and sorrow? How many times did I cry secretly and beg for it to end?
What began as a simple plan to protect and enhance my wealth ended up radicalizing me, transforming me into a much despised "goldbug." As a member of an Establishment family, who would have imagined I would voluntarily place myself firmly in a sinking boat?
In hindsight, I like to think the pain was worthwhile and designed to lead me away from a life of thoughtless, carefree sybaritism. Upon reflection, I want to believe that all the anguish served to make me into a better human being who has far better understanding of how it feels to be denied and victimized by a system which plays by one set of rules for the privileged and another for the pariah.
Somehow I survived although I will never be the same. My faith in the system has been destroyed, I always will question authority until the day I expire.
And it appears gold has survived too. It's haggard, long defeated body seems to gain life each and every day, it is emerging from its once seemingly terminal coma.
Let us all say a prayer for those who stood tall in the face of the relentless attack upon gold, "Old Paradigm" virtues, and our collective sanity. Sadly many of those who offered their powerful ideas and warm support are no longer with us...some because they threw in the towel and went over" to the other side" while others, like me, faced Death, yet were unlucky and could not escape its cold grip.
Salute the heroes of this fight....Bill Murphy, Chris Powell, Reg Howe, James Turk, John Hathaway, Frank Veneroso, Zelotes, Bob Chapman, Chris Thompson, David Tice, Puplava, and so many more I cannot begin to list them, so my apologies if I overlooked you. Whether you agree with their various perspectives or not, they fought the fight and placed their balls of steel in the line of fire. I only wish I had been so brave.
Offer thanks to the providers of the gold forums...Vronsky, Michael Kosares, Bart Kitner, and other such courageous souls... who, in gold's darkest days, must have been sorely tempted to open Dot Com URL's in lieu of the increasingly unpopular gold sites. Thanks to them, I found a warm intellectual community comprised mostly of like-minded individuals who made me feel as though I were not completely alone.
To all my brothers whose golden voices soothed me during those days when I had lost my brother and most of my friends....to all my lustrous amber sisters who comforted me and forgave my rages, rants, coarseness, and inanities along this journey...I thank you for being there and guiding me through the darkness of my night.
It seems we may be headed for a new day when gold might make many here comfortable beyond their wildest dreams. In such an event, the goldbugs might be accepted into the Establishment and acquire a significant say in the reconstruction of a new global financial system necessary to replace the current, dysfunctional, corrupt, and grossly inequitable entity.
The challenge of the gold community will be to retain its pragmatism, solid moral values, and empathy for the oppressed as its members ascend the ladder of society. The important question is whether or not long suffering gold champions can resist bitterness and, rather than stomp upon those who once mocked or harmed them, assist in the rebirth of a society suffering from the many substantive problems currently causing gold's rise.
It may be that these various gold forums will simply disappear because the one compelling factor that united goldbugs over the past years is their minority status. As members of a persecuted few, gold advocates stuck together and sought each other out for intellectual enlightenment, comfort, purpose, and moral strength. Yet, as assimilated members of a new
Establishment, gold's exponents may lose themselves, seeking distance from their disturbing past and all those who shared the pain...and most alarmingly, they might forget what it was like to be "less than a worm" in the eyes of those who wield power.
I know I never will.
Vronsky, gold seems to be standing on its own legs now.
Vronsky, if I am not mistaken, gold is ascending...and this tired old gold cheerleader can finally put away his pom-poms, I don't think I really am needed here anymore.
Thank you for an opportunity to serve the cause.
Blessings to all, Merry Christmas, and a very Happy New Year.
25 December 2002
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